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19 Aug |
Not sure how to feel Cycling, Diagnosis, Edie, My MCL
Comments (1) |
Just got my latest blood work today, and I don’t know whether to be happy or concerned.
My lymphocytes dropped from 120 thou/cumm to 93 thou/cumm, which is good, but my hemoglobin dropped to 11.6 g/dl, my platelets dropped to 185 thou/mcl and my LDH was up to 160 IU/L, which are all bad trends. (No mention of polychromasia.)
Now while my hemoglobin and platelets have been down at those levels before, this is the highest my LDH has been since it was at 153 IU/L back in January.
[BIG SIGH] I just hate this! The prospect of starting treatment any time soon weighs so heavily on my mind now, especially since Edie has decided she wants to try and go for the transplant again, I can’t seem to think rationally any more.
I’m hoping racing at Eldorado tonight will clear my mind.
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24 Jul |
It’s always something My MCL
Comments (4) |
I received the results of my latest blood work today, and what seemingly has become a trend lately, something never seen before has shown up.
This time it’s Polychromasia, and the indication was I have a ‘few’.
Now if you read the explanation of Polychromasia, I hope you’re not as confused as I am, especially about the following statements.
A slight degree of polychromasia is normal.
So is a slight degree the same as ‘few’?
Increases in polychromasia suggest an increased bone marrow response. [and] No polychromasia correlates with non-responsive, anemic patients………
I don’t know, but both those statements sound like polychromasia is a good thing.
I’m just not so sure that is an accurate interpretation. Hopefully my expert source in this area will respond to my concerns shortly, with a more enlightened explanation.
Anywaze, other than that, with the exception of a 20% jump in my lymphocyte count, and the fact I got dropped from the group this morning, sooner than I was hoping, my RBC, hemoglobin and platelets either showed a very slight uptrend, or at a minimum they remained stable.
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23 Jul |
They say….. Cycling, Day to Day Life, My MCL
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Whenever anyone prefaces a statement with those two words, I always wonder about the validity of what is to follow.
But today as I was watching Le Tour de France, a statement made during a Take Back the Tour commercial really struck home.
… the mind is stronger than the body, and that’s a danger, because sometimes you can push your body too far.
I had never really thought along those terms before, but as I think about the past week, and the last 6 years, 3 months and 28 days, there’s no doubt in my mind, there is a lot of truth to that statement.
When I was first diagnosed, I set a goal to ride more miles, and at a higher intensity than I had ever done before. I was going to push my body to the extreme, with the ultimate goal being to exercise my MCL into remission.
While I obviously haven’t achieved my ultimate goal, I believe the increased training has helped to keep my MCL from progressing at a faster pace, and it has enabled me to reach a level of fitness I had not achieved prior to my diagnosis. And there in lies the problem.
I don’t think of myself as a 60 year old man. In my mind, I’m 30 years old, and there’s no reason I shouldn’t be able to compete with other 30 year olds. I know what I am capable of [or at least what I was capable of], and when I can’t keep up, my mind just tells my body to push harder.
I know I did that last Friday on Glendora Mountain road, and I paid for it the next day, because sometimes no matter what the mind says to do, the body just won’t, or can’t comply.
I’m just hoping the last three days, off the bike, has provided enough of a recovery for my body to start listening to my mind again.
Tomorrow will be the moment of truth!
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5 Jul |
How much longer? Cycling, Diagnosis, Edie, My MCL
Comments (5) |
Getting through everyday seems to be a bigger and bigger challenge. Even getting out to ride my bike is getting more difficult.
Today I really didn’t feel much like riding [of course that's nothing new], but I went out anyway, and pushed myself to the edge, something for which I am paying for right now. Mostly I do it because I believe if I don’t, things will rapidly start to go down hill for me.
The problem is I just don’t know how much longer I can continue putting on a happy face, and pretending to fight the valiant fight.
But it’s not just about the bike, it’s the myriad of thoughts that go through my mind everyday, as I ponder what’s next in store for me.
How much longer can I continue to put off treatment? How big does my spleen have to get before it presents a problem? Are my counts too high, or too low? Is that an enlarged lymph node in my neck, or is it just my imagination? Am I tired all the time, because I ride my bike too much [and too hard], because of my MCL, or am I just getting old? And can I wait too long before beginning treatment?
And on top of that, it’s not just me I worry about, there’s Edie as well.
The other day, Edie asked me, since her heart was better, do I think she should now have the transplant, that was canceled back in January.
Why ask me that question, when she already knows what my answer will be. As far as I’m concerned, transplants are a procedure of last resort, after all other options have failed. And for now she seems to be doing good, so why even consider it? But ultimately the decision is hers, not mine.
The real problem is, I understand her dilemma. Everyday, she has to confront the same demons I confront.
It’s so easy when you’re healthy to go on with your life, and even assume how you would react under similar circumstances, but until you’ve walked in the shoes of a person confronting a terminal health problem, or any other life changing situation, there’s no way anyone can ever understand, or know how they will react under those same or similar circumstances.
And it’s even harder for anyone to imagine how easy it is to simply want to give up!
Oh well, at least I have the Tour d’France to look forward to for the next 3 weeks.