Living with MCL

It seems the longer we go, the worse things get.

The fiasco in the gulf is just one of many example.  We’re so busy politicizing this, and trying to place blame and fault (often where it doesn’t belong), little focus is being placed on the real issue, and that is an ecological disaster that will linger on [for uncountable years], creating unimaginable consequences from which the southeastern coast of the US may never recover, and place an undue burden on the rest of the country.

Then there are the customers [at work] who are becoming more stupid by the day, designing systems that are so complicated and convoluted, and change by the minute, they guarantee errors, and non compliance with requirements, forcing suppliers to change procedures that have worked for the past 30+ years [and still work for 99% of all other customers], all in the name of improving quality. But in the end all it really does is create delays in production, and increased costs, without any improvement in quality.

And on top of all this, Edie is going through 10 days of radiation (3 more to go), and my fatigue [or maybe it's just depression] seems to grow worse by the day, forcing me to face the reality, I may not be able to delay treatment much longer.

There just doesn’t seem to be any reason to get out of bed any more, except maybe for a bike ride, the only thing that seems to allow me to maintain my sanity in this insane world.

All I want to know is, when will all this insanity end?

I was reminded recently of a quote by Eric Hoffer

In times of change learners inherit the earth; while the learned find themselves beautifully equipped to deal with a world that no longer exists.

Well what I want to know is, what happened to that world, and why can’t I continue to live in it if I so desire?  I don’t particularly like the changes that are occurring.

Besides the fact the US is “going to hell in a hand basket” (which I won’t get into here), work isn’t nearly as enjoyable as it once was. Not that work was ever enjoyable, but since being purchased by PCC in October, things have changed in a way I’m not happy about. I can’t put a finger on anything in particular, but the feeling is there, much like how the dynamics of the bike club I belong to have changed as well over the past few years.

But worst of all, Edie’s myeloma has reared its ugly head again, and I’m beginning to wonder, what’s the point of anything any more?

I guess I should count myself lucky in some regards. I am in decent health, considering the health I’m in, still able to compete on the bike at a high level, and Edie’s being a real trooper, going about business mostly as normal, with very little complaining, if any. She’s certainly handling it a lot better than I would [than I am], and definitely better than a co-worker’s wife, who was diagnosed with ovarian cancer, a while ago, and now just lies around the house, taking her pills, and feeling sorry for herself.

Still it doesn’t change the feeling I have some most every morning to just bury my head in the pillow, yearning for the good old days, and say to hell with it all. Yet for some reason, I don’t. Every morning I manage to drag myself out of bed, put on a happy face, and go about my [mundane] life as if nothing is wrong, knowing full well that just isn’t the case.

The only thing I know for sure is, it’s getting more difficult with every passing day.

Oh well, time to get ready for todays bike ride.

Oh, how I yearn for the good old days, when getting through an airport security line wasn’t such a hassle, when a 250 Mb hard drive was considered huge, I didn’t have lymphoma, the dollar was still king, and the US actually made stuff.

Last week was Digital Process Data (DPD) training week at work. Now for those who don’t know what DPD is, basically it’s the computer data (software) fed into numerical controlled (NC) lathes used to machine parts into complicated configurations. It’s also used in the design and inspection of those parts.

Now that, in and of itself, isn’t difficult to understand or deal with (at least it’s no more difficult to understand than all the computer graphics we are subject to on TV and in the movies now a days), but without going into any great detail of everything else involved, i.e. controlling, disseminating and validating the software, suffice it to say it’s a lot more complicated than it sounds. And it’s especially more complicated when you can remember what it was like only a few short years ago.

It reminds me of a saying by Eric Hoffer,

In times of change, learners inherit the earth, while the learned find themselves beautifully equipped to deal with a world that no longer exists.

And what I came to realize this past week was, the world is changing [rapidly], and I’m just not sure how interested I am in trying to keep up with it any more.

Maybe that’s why I like riding my bike so much!

That’s what Edie said when I asked her what she had decided to do about Chloe.

Chloe just does not seem to be getting better [at least not very fast], although except for the fact  she sleeps 22+ hours a day, and still won’t eat on her own, she doesn’t appear to be sick. So Edie has to force feed her every day, make sure she gets enough fluid, and give her all sorts of different medication.

I don’t know how she does it. I know I wouldn’t have the patience.

Anyways, at least Edie doesn’t have to worry about me. My latest blood counts are essentially status quo. My lymphocyte count is back under a 100 thou/cumm (99.9) again, hemoglobin is maintaining at 12.4 g/dl (low average for a woman) and my LDH is normal at 141 IU/L.

The only thing of some concern is my platelets were under 200 at 196. That’s still well within the normal range (130-400), and I have had at 6 readings below that number over the past two years, but when you plot a graph of the 6 month moving average, you can see a [very] slow, but steady decline.

I just hope by the time my platelets get too low, I’ll be too old to worry about it.