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19 Aug |
Not sure how to feel Cycling, Diagnosis, Edie, My MCL
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Just got my latest blood work today, and I don’t know whether to be happy or concerned.
My lymphocytes dropped from 120 thou/cumm to 93 thou/cumm, which is good, but my hemoglobin dropped to 11.6 g/dl, my platelets dropped to 185 thou/mcl and my LDH was up to 160 IU/L, which are all bad trends. (No mention of polychromasia.)
Now while my hemoglobin and platelets have been down at those levels before, this is the highest my LDH has been since it was at 153 IU/L back in January.
[BIG SIGH] I just hate this! The prospect of starting treatment any time soon weighs so heavily on my mind now, especially since Edie has decided she wants to try and go for the transplant again, I can’t seem to think rationally any more.
I’m hoping racing at Eldorado tonight will clear my mind.
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26 Jul |
The Last Lecture Diagnosis
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You’re diagnosed with a terminal illness, and given 3 to 6 months to live. How do you respond?
I’d like to think I’ve responded in a positive manner, and I’ve tried to inspire others into realizing exactly what they have, and how to get the most out of life, but I’m really not much of a writer, and I’m not even sure how good a job I’ve done achieving that goal. Fortunately there are those who seem to have been born with the ability to motivate and inspire.
Randy Pausch, who died of pancreatic cancer on July 25, 2008, was such an individual, and before he died, he delivered this inspirational Last Lecture, “Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams“, which to date has been seen by over 6 million people around the world. It’s a little long (1 hour 16 minutes), but in my opinion well worth watching.
…we don’t beat the Reaper by living longer. We beat the Reaper by living well
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25 Jul |
Polychromasia Diagnosis
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Well I just received a more enlightened (at least a more understandable) explanation of Polychromasia.
Simply put, it is an indication of the bone marrow trying to increase the amount of red blood cells (RBC’s) to correct anemia. And in case you didn’t know, I am anemic.
So when a patient is being treated for anemia, if there is no polychromasia then that means, either the wrong treatment was used, or the bone marrow isn’t functioning.
So in my case, it may actually be a good thing, with all the increased exercise I’ve been doing lately forcing my bone marrow to work harder. On the other hand though, it could be an indication the spleen is not functioning properly, which is a bad thing, since we all know my spleen in enlarged as well.
Oh well, remember, it’s always something. I’ll just have to wait for next months results, to see if there is any change.
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5 Jul |
How much longer? Cycling, Diagnosis, Edie, My MCL
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Getting through everyday seems to be a bigger and bigger challenge. Even getting out to ride my bike is getting more difficult.
Today I really didn’t feel much like riding [of course that's nothing new], but I went out anyway, and pushed myself to the edge, something for which I am paying for right now. Mostly I do it because I believe if I don’t, things will rapidly start to go down hill for me.
The problem is I just don’t know how much longer I can continue putting on a happy face, and pretending to fight the valiant fight.
But it’s not just about the bike, it’s the myriad of thoughts that go through my mind everyday, as I ponder what’s next in store for me.
How much longer can I continue to put off treatment? How big does my spleen have to get before it presents a problem? Are my counts too high, or too low? Is that an enlarged lymph node in my neck, or is it just my imagination? Am I tired all the time, because I ride my bike too much [and too hard], because of my MCL, or am I just getting old? And can I wait too long before beginning treatment?
And on top of that, it’s not just me I worry about, there’s Edie as well.
The other day, Edie asked me, since her heart was better, do I think she should now have the transplant, that was canceled back in January.
Why ask me that question, when she already knows what my answer will be. As far as I’m concerned, transplants are a procedure of last resort, after all other options have failed. And for now she seems to be doing good, so why even consider it? But ultimately the decision is hers, not mine.
The real problem is, I understand her dilemma. Everyday, she has to confront the same demons I confront.
It’s so easy when you’re healthy to go on with your life, and even assume how you would react under similar circumstances, but until you’ve walked in the shoes of a person confronting a terminal health problem, or any other life changing situation, there’s no way anyone can ever understand, or know how they will react under those same or similar circumstances.
And it’s even harder for anyone to imagine how easy it is to simply want to give up!
Oh well, at least I have the Tour d’France to look forward to for the next 3 weeks.