Life | Living with MCL

Life changing experiences

Bypass Surgery (CAD), General Health, Life, My MCL, My Well Being 4 Responses »

May 012013

I’m sure lots of people will say they’ve had life changing experiences. I even thought I had one back on March 26, 2002, when I received the results of the blood test which eventually led to my diagnosis of MCL. (It’s scary how easily some people can be fooled, especially when it’s yourself.)

While that certainly changed my life, for the better I would add, it can in no way compare to the truly life changing experience of having heart surgery.

I am definitely not the same person I was 6 months ago, before my surgery, not physically or emotionally. Sure, I’m able to do most of the things I enjoy, but not with the same zeal or confidence I once had. From the moment I awake in the morning, to the point I’m finally able to drag myself out of bed, so goes the rest of my day. Every ache and pain, whether real or nuanced, causes me pause. Should I simply ignore it, should I call the doctor, or should I just simply give up?

So far I’ve [mostly] chosen the first, but more and more the latter seems like the better choice, and it’s all I can do not to succumb. (My previous post is a good indication of that.)

I’m just beginning to wonder if I will ever get back to at least some semblance of where I was before?

I just don’t have it in me anymore

Life 2 Responses »

Apr 162013

It’s been nearly 2 weeks since my last post. I can’t remember having gone that long before without posting at least something. Even after declaring, almost 2 years ago to the day, I wasn’t going to post much anymore.

The truth is, I simply can’t find the motivation to write about much anymore. I couldn’t even get motivated about yesterdays bombings in Boston, and I could have found plenty to comment about, had I the desire.

Maybe it’s the weather, or aybe I’ve reached that, so called, 5th stage of grief, realizing there’s nothing I can do about the inevitable. So why bother?

I think it goes something [exactly] like this

Que Sera Sera,
What ever will be will be,
The future’s not ours to see,
Que Sera Sera
What will be, will be

Who knows if I’ll post again? I probably will. (I have to keep my advertisers happy after all ). I just don’t know when.

Birthdays! What are they good for?

Life, My MCL 2 Responses »

Apr 032013

It’s been over 11 years since my diagnosis of MCL. It’s been so long, much like my birthday, I chose not to even think about it.

The only thing birthdays are good for is knowing how soon you’ll be eligible for Medicare (less than 2 months for me now), and what new discounts I’m eligible for from local, regional or national retailers.

Birthdays are nothing but a reminder of why that new pain you woke up with, or acquired during the day, for no apparent reason, is now making you miserable.

Worst of all, birthdays are a reminder things aren’t going to get any better. They’re a reminder of why you can’t do what you were once able to do. The mind is willing (at least in my case), but the body just doesn’t want to respond.

We are of course all different, and many can withstand the inevitable longer than others. Heck, I even know a few, which makes this even more disheartening.

Oh well, such is life! I could go on complaining more, but what would be the point?

The best thing to do now is to simply pass on, to those who can still benefit, two little bits of wisdom I’ve acquired over the past many years, and that is don’t ever get old, but also realizing the inevitability of life, never forget

the future is just a concept we use to avoid living today

Where do you fit in?

Life, Off Topic, Politics 4 Responses »

Mar 182013

Here’s a headline I thought interesting.

U.S. millionaire count reaches 9 million

Now whether you think the number of millionaires in the US (2.9% of the population) is relevant or not, you should at least be concerned by the fact nearly 90% of the population has a net worth of less than $100,000. (I wonder how many of those households have a net worth of $0?)

I find that number very disturbing, as well as puzzling, considering the path many of our political leaders are trying to lead us down, and the number of Americans who support them.

But what might be the most troubling is who is this Spectrem Group, why is it they know how much money I have, and what else do they know about me?

Hmmm!

Remembering John Belushi

Life Comments Off

Mar 142013

Just finished watching The Blues Brothers.

I’ll admit, it’s not a movie worthy of critical acclaim, but it was still enjoyable 32 years after the first time I watched it.

It’s funny, quirky (some may even say stupid), and over the top most of the time, but if nothing else, it’s a testament to the talents of John Belushi.

It’s also a reminder that some people die way too early.

2013: Not getting any better

Bypass Surgery (CAD), Life, Philosophy 4 Responses »

Mar 102013

I thought January was a bad month because I spent more money than I planned, but compared to what’s been happening lately, I don’t know why I thought that was even a concern.

To begin with, Edie hasn’t been doing that good. The drug she’s been taking for the past several months, Carfilzomab, is starting to take its toll, and her neuropathy seems to be getting worse. She’s having more trouble just getting around, and climbing stairs is particularly daunting.

Then this morning I learned a friend, the person who built our back patio, and the husband of the girl I worked with for over 20 years, died this morning.

He had gone in for, what I thought would be, a routine double heart valve replacement on the 19th of February. Unfortunately that just wasn’t the case. He was on the table for about 8 hours, and on the pump for almost 5 hours. (By contrast, my entire operation lasted 3 hours 14 minutes, and I was on the pump for only 42 minutes.)

It was then discovered one of the valves was leaking, and he needed another operation to correct it. So it was back to the operating room 2 days later.

The second operation didn’t go so well either, lasting longer than planned, and it was all down hill from there.

It’s difficult to think about these things, or know how to react. No one can ever know what’s in store for them. You don’t have to be old to get sick. (I think John was 10 years younger than me.) You don’t even have to be in bad shape to get sick. It doesn’t even have to be an illness that does us in. Anything can happen to anyone, anytime, and without warning.

It’s times like these, all I try to do is take pause, and remember

Not to sweat the small stuff, and it’s all small stuff

Life’s just way too short for that, but most of all, never forget

The future is just a concept we use to avoid living today

Rest in peace John

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